“I just wanted to help,” wailed Ann.

“I know you did but you made matters worse,” exclaimed an exasperated Bob.

Do those words sound familiar? Well, they should.  We all could recall memories when we made matters worse even though we meant well.   So, how do we know when to help, when to open our mouths, or when to keep them shut?  It can be a dilemma.

I think the first step is to step back.  Take a deep breath.  In other words, think it through.  Don’t just rush in.  When a judgment call is required, always remember the golden rule–”Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  To paraphrase, how would you want to be treated in a similar situation?  Would you want advice, or just want company–in other words, do you want a friend that will just “be there for you.”

The second step is if you decide to get involved, make SURE you have all the facts.  Too many times, and I have seen it over and over again, people rush in and take action without getting them.  Always remember, there is ALWAYS two sides to every story, and if you are not interested in both sides, I highly recommend you stay OUT of the situation. 

The third step is to assess the seriousness of the situation.  Is it really all that serious, or is somebody’s emotions out of control as to make the situation look more serious than it is.  This is where the phrase “let it rest over night” is a good rule to follow.  Things do quite often look different in the morning.  Before you write that angry letter or leave that angry phone message, let it rest.  If you are really that angry with someone where you can’t let it rest (and I have been there, done that), go ahead and write your angry letter and hold nothing back.  Get it out of your system, but whatever you do, do NOT send it.  After 24 hours, read it again and you will probably want to re-phrase some things. You also may find out in the mean time that you flew off the handle without having all the facts.

Sometimes when someone’s pain is too overwhelming as in a death in the family, usually just “being there” is a good rule to follow.  Don’t flood them with Bible scriptures or unwanted advice.  Usually, if people want advice, they will come to you, you won’t have to go to them.

So, in conclusion, whatever the situation, the old phrase “stop, look, and listen” is a good thing to remember.