Have you ever watched Little House On The Prairie or The Waltons and say to yourself , “this isn’t reality?  It just is too idealistic.”  Well, perhaps it is in the narcissitic society we live in today, but was it so idealistic in the time period these shows were cast in when times were hard and everybody had to band together to survive?  What made these marriages work?  What do they both have in common? 

As a psychology major, I analyzed the characters in these two shows and came to the conclusion they both had one thing in common–they both loved their spouses more than themselves.  That is the key.

One well known concept in psychology is that we as individuals don’t know ourselves near as well as we think we do.  In other words, we can say we love our spouse more than ourself, but do our actions betray us?

So how does one do it?  It is easier said than done.  One well-known Christian counselor that has written many books on making marriage and family work is Dr. Gary Chapman.  I haven’t read all his books, but I do like The Five Love Languages.  In this book he describes men and women as having one distinct love language that they respond to more than the others.  The five love languages are:  Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  One marriage couple that was counseled, the wife complained that she doesn’t feel loved as her husband never spent any time with her.  His reply was “what do you mean you don’t feel loved?  I shower you with gifts and flowers…”  The problem was gifts wasn’t her primary love language, but quality time was.

All relationships involve conflict, but how we handle the conflict is the key to success.  All relationships take work, give, and take.  If you want a good marriage you must work at it.  If you aren’t willing, then you probably aren’t cut out for marriage.  There is nothing wrong with being single.  We just need to recognize that we don’t get married because it is the cultural thing to do.   Marriage is a completely different lifestyle and if you aren’t ready to give up “yourself” then don’t do it.

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