Archive for the ‘Teenagers/young adults’ Category

” I don’t know right from wrong.” You would be surprised how many people, especially young people,  relate to this statement.  This isn’t the kid’s fault.  It is the adults.  So, next time you are tempted to say, “those darn teenagers,” think again.  You should be saying “those darn parents,”  because 98% of the time, that is the case.

Why is that?  Because parents and adults have “fallen down on the job.”  Kids used to be the center of the lives of adults, now they are on the peripheral.  Hollywood used to care about the kids.  In the 60’s Hollywood couldn’t even use the word “sex” on TV.

Legally, freedom of speech  doesn’t allow you to yell fire in the theatre and cause mass panic because it infringes on other people’s rights.  Corrupting the kids use to fall under this category also, but doesn’t any more.

So, let’s use God’s standard of right and wrong.  Let’s start with the 10 commandments, and these are ten commandments, not ten suggestions!!

They are found in Exodus 20.

1. Thou shalt not have any gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

3. “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh His name in vain.

 4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

  5.  ”Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

  6.  “Thou shalt not kill.

  7.  “Thou shalt not commit adultery.

  8.  “Thou shalt not steal.

  9.  “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

10.”Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.”

Basically, anything you put before God is an idol.

Now, the next question rears its ugly head, “I know I am supposed to love, but I don’t know how.  Somehow, I can’t get the job accomplished.  What is love?

The best definition of love God gives us is in I Corinthians 13

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

 11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

 13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Remember, without God, Paul said he could do nothing.  You are no different.  Only God can change hearts.  Let him change yours today. Jesus is only one prayer away.

 

I’M STILL STANDING

When relationships break down, emotions run high.  You feel like the world has come to an end, but guess what?  The sun will still rise and set the next day, God is still on the throne, and Jesus is still King.

What have you learned from the experience?  Perhaps now you know the genuine from the disingenuine.   Perhaps now, you will recognize who really cares about you and who doesn’t.

Remember, when boys ask for sex, just say no.  It is a good test to see if they really care about you, or just care what they can get out of you.  If they won’t respect your feelings, they are just using you. ‘Save yourself for your true lover–your future husband.  It will be worth it.

I had an experience like this once when I was younger.  My boyfriend wanted to go all the way, and it was tempting for the momentary pleasure, but I said no.  He respected it, but later I found out things I didn’t know.  I was so grateful and relieved I hadn’t given up my virginity.  I would have felt so used and abused.

Remember, it isn’t worth it for just a momentary pleasure.  The consequences are forever, especially if you pick up a disease.

Those darn teenagers!!  Have you ever heard this phrase before?  Well, if you grew up in the 60’s and 70’s, you most certainly did.  I was a teenager in the 70’s, and was I was ever so glad to turn 20 because now people could say “those darn teenagers” and it didn’t include me anymore.

What makes the teenage years so tumultous?  What has parents “pulling hair” and “climbing walls”?  I personally do not believe it is entirely your teenager’s fault.  Sometimes, I wanted to say “those darn parents, they don’t understand anything,” and I wasn’t necessarily  referring just to my parents! 

There is a scripture in Isaiah 1:18 that  says, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD.”  If more people, of any age group, would apply this to their problematic situations in life, the world would be a better place, definitely more peaceful.

The teenage years are difficult ones because it is such a transitional period for them.  They really aren’t adults yet and don’t have the critical thinking skills of adults (although sometimes I find this debatable, sometimes they have more sense) yet they aren’t children anymore.

It is wrong to invalidate anyone’s feelings, but it is especially true for teenagers.  Their feelings are extremely active during this time period.  The golden rule applies here.  If you don’t like your feelings invalidated, then don’t invalidate your teenager’s feelings.

A very prominant wrong attitude of parents during the 60’s and 70’s was “No, because I said so.”  In general this is very true.  Children must learn to respect authority, and the bottom line is that they are to obey because their parents “said so.”

The Bible commands children in Ephesians 6:1, Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”  It is repeated in Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

But, what does the Bible command of parents? Colossians 3:21 states “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”  The amplied Bible clarifies the Greek rendering.  It reads,  “Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]“

So, how do we put this all together?  Let’s give an example.  You have a daughter that wants to go to the dance alone with a boy much older than she.  You, as a parent, are apprehensive because your daughter is only a freshman in high school with little experience with boys.  Your daughter is resolute about going, and you, as a parent, are equally resolute that she is not going.  How do you handle this situation?

First, remember the scripture in Isaiah about reasoning together.  Communication is the key in this situation.  Sit down with your daughter and say something like this, for example,

 ”Lisa, I really can relate to how you are feeling, but I hardly know this boy, and I am protective of you and love you too much to let you go out with him alone.”

So Lisa responds, “well, why don’t you get to know him then?”  (Good point).

So, you agree and ask your daughter to invite him to supper some evening.  Afterwards, you talk with your daughter again and tell her your impressions of her new boyfriend, good and bad.  After all, you might come to the conclusion you were wrong.

See how you have learned to listen, reason, and communicate?  You have acknowledged your daughter’s feelings and tried to understand how she feels.  Teenager’s do like the security of authority, and if you can give your daughter some good reasons why she should not go alone, it would surprise you how readily she might agree, if you just don’t invalidate her feelings.   

I know the upbringing of teenagers is not always this “cut and dry” but you are taking the first steps in understanding your teenagers and how they feel.